Friday, January 6, 2017

The Regular Season

The service monkey that does the typing for this blog was being held at a CIA blacksite in Bangladesh.  He managed to escape and ran to a sweatshop making Jihad Joe action figures that were being shipped to Pakistan.  It is only by the kindness of the people of Agra India that our service monkey is back safe in the United States of America.

In the meantime a lot of softball was played.

It looked like after the Titanic disaster that was D League, E League was only going to be our Carpathia but it turns out there was a logjam of 3-2 teams in the second round and THE TEAM made the playoffs.

Before we get to what you did to get us there, let's take a quick peek at 2016.  It was a year of garbage.  Yeah David Bowie died and Prince died and Carrie Fisherdied and some self-centered orange fuckface won the Presidential Election but THE TEAM went 13-17 on the year.  THE TEAM was down in every offensive category and up in strikeouts.  Ouch.

Let's check you out

3 Lou played in 10 games.  He hit .774 with 2 Walks, 6 Doubles, 1 Triple, 3 Home Runs and 14 RBIs.  Did you know Lou is the all-time hits leader for THE TEAM with 436 hits.

5 Kelly played in 9 games.  She hit .483 with 2 Walks, 3 Doubles and 3 RBIs.  Did you know Kelly collected her 50th career RBI this season.

6 Rick played in 10 games.  The service monkey refuses to humiliate him by typing his stats.  Good Monkey!

7 Natasha played in 8 games. She hit .435 with 4 Doubles, a Triple and 12 RBIs.  Did you know in her career she has 111 RBIs in 102 games.

8 Aerial played in 10 games.  She led the ladies hitting .571 with 2 Walks, 3 Doubles, 1 Home Run and led the ladies with 14 RBIs.  It's great to have her back.

12 Daniyel played in 5 games.  She hit .200 with a Walk and a Double.  Did you know Daniyel has Walked 14 times in 22 career games giving her an OBP of .448?

22 Dave played in 10 games.  He hit .652 with a 3 Walks, a Double and 11 RBIs.  Did you know Dave collected his 100th career hit this season?

23 Melody played in 9 games.  She hit .250 with 4 Walks and 4 RBIs.  Did you know she has taken more careers Walks than any two players on THE TEAM?

24 Peter played in 10 games.  He hit .719 with 6 Doubles. 3 Triples and 13 RBIs.  Did you know Peter has played in 152 games in the Modern Era?  That's more than anybody.

25 Dora played in 9 games.  She hit .391 with 2 Walks and 8 RBIs.  Did you know Dora is one of only 5 players with over 200 career hits?

27 Victor played in 10 games.  He hit .769 with 4 Doubles. 3 Triples and 4 Walks.  He led THE TEAM with 5 Home Runs.  He led THE TEAM with 27 RBIs.  Did you know that Victor leads THE TEAM in being fertile?

30 Lauren played in 8 games.  She hit .409 with 7 RBIs.  Did you know Lauren loves microwave popcorn?  That may or may not be true.  Lauren just finished her first season with THE TEAM.  She is a spectacular athlete and a great addition.

33 Jimmy played in 10 games.  He has 7 Doubles, 2 Triples, a Walk and a Home Run.  Jimmy led THE TEAM hitting .867.  Did you know Jimmy led THE TEAM in getting hassled by Victor?

There were some milestones by THE TEAM.  THE TEAM passed 200 Home Runs, 500 Doubles and 2000 RBIs.

That's a lot of softball