Tuesday, August 15, 2017

The Post Season

Dave's Grand Slam in the playoff game has to be in here.  That was awesome.  The Championship game was not awesome.  The real excitement was in the C League game before us.  It was 12 innings of cranky shitheads yelling and unable to break the tie.  It all ended on a blown interpretation of the rules so the umpires were probably pretty used up and cranky when it was time for THE TEAM to play.  THE TEAM made it easy on them by losing big so there was nothing to argue about.

Hello white t-shirts

THE TEAM has played in 14 Post Season games.  The overall record is 7-7 with three Championships.  Twenty four players have played in the Post Season.  Here are all the Post Season hits in the history of THE TEAM:

50 Peter
44 Lou
36 Rick
23 Natasha
22 Dora
21 Jimmy
20 Kelly
20 Dave R
19 Doug
17 Aerial
16 Victor
 7 Melody
 6 Lauren
 4 Daniyel
 3 Dave Q
 3 Randy
 3 Natalia
 2 Summer
 2 Mike
 2 Sharon
 1 Jenny
 1 Shelly
 0 Rosemary
 0 Kelsey

Not Bad

How about all-time Post Season RBIs!  Here's everybody

38 Peter
35 Lou
30 Victor
28 Rick
19 Doug
16 Jimmy
14 Dora
11 Dave R
10 Natasha
 9 Aerial
 7 Kelly
 6 Dave Q
 4 Daniyel
 2 Melody
 2 Lauren
 2 Randy
 1 Jenny
 1 Mike
 1 Natalia
 1 Shelly
 0 Rosemary
 0 Summer
 0 Sharon
 0 Kelsey


Tuesday, August 8, 2017

THE TEAM - Summer 2017

Another losing season is in the books.  It isn't that bad actually.  Most of the losses were from getting pushed around in C League by a bunch of homeboys and slobs and crybabies and Deluxe crybabies and misfits.  That didn't feel too terrific.


Here's your deal:

3 Lou played in 7 games.  He hit .667 with 11 RBIs.  He had 5 Doubles and 1 Home Run.  He led THE TEAM with 8 Triples.  That's a record.  He can play any position on the field and that's always valuable.

4 Lauren played in 8 games.  She led THE TEAM hitting .680.  We aren't talking about leading the ladies, we are talking about C4 leading THE TEAM.  She led the ladies with 7 RBIs and 2 Doubles and covered it all in Centerfield.

5 Kelly played in 9 games.  She hit .423 with 2 RBIs.  She had 6 Walks giving her and OBP of .531. She was great at first base an All-Star turning doubleplays at second.

7 Natasha played in 8 games.  She hit .458 with 6 RBIs and 2 Doubles.  She pitched lights out and is the perfect balance of competition and fun.  She is going to be a great manager.

11 Dave Q played in 5 games.  He hit .500 with 9 RBIs and 5 Doubles.  He made it look easy in Left Field

12 Daniyel played in 4 games.  She hit .111.  Not enough games to get her thing going.  All of Burbank knows you are better than that.

18 Rick 9 games .567 20 RBIs 1 Double 1 Triple 1 Home Run

22 Dave R played in 6 games.  He hit .353 with 5 RBIs.  He had a hit in every game he played in and did a great job pitching with that weird-assed backspin thing he does.

23 Melody played in 9 games.  She hit .421 with 5 RBIs.  She led THE TEAM with 7 Walks giving her an OBP of .577.  Good Eye Melody!

24 Peter played in 9 games.  He hit .647 with 14 RBIs.  He had 1 Double and led THE TEAM with 4 Home Runs.  He was an awesome Eagle Scout of a thirdbaseman.

25 Dora played in 8 games.  She hit .318 with 4 RBIs and 2 Doubles.  She caught foul tips and throws to home for something like 250 outs this season.

33 Jimmy played in 9 games.  He hit .656 with 14 RBIs.  He had a Home Run and led THE TEAM with 6 Doubles.  His arm is a freakin weapon.

51 Kesley played in 6 games.  She hit .059.  She's new and she's having fun while being appropriately hard on herself.  The hit she got was a real deal worm burner right up the middle.

So now let's eat a saltine cracker and drink some water and cleanse the palate of all that losing because a Championship is right around the corner.


Monday, July 17, 2017

THE TEAM - The Ouch

Well so far THE TEAM is not really close in C League.  There was that doubleheader in Brace Canyon Park.  Who knew we were going to have games in Texas.  Was that Texas?  It felt like Texas or Oklahoma or Atlanta.  Wait, it didn't feel like Atlanta.  Let's not get carried away.

The point is... that it was hot and sticky.

The last game was against a team that was way better than THE TEAM.  Think about how many errors they made.  You can't think of any can you.  (OK, secondbase had a grounder clang off his glove).  They hit a ton of nice clean line drives and there was nothing to do about those.  THE TEAM defense had more black holes than Chandra Deep Field South but it really didn't matter.  THE TEAM scoring 4 runs and hitting .385 is always going to be a loss.

The point is...  this is what is must feel like to spoon in a mouthful of unrefrigerated mayonaise.  (That was the worst thing I could think of outside of the humidity in Atlanta)

Let's look back in history:

This blog is filled with gooey complements for Lou and Peter.

They are the all-time leaders in everything.  Lou has 101 career Home Runs.  Peter has 68 career Home Runs.  THE TEAM has only hit 236 Home Runs ever.  Lou has 478 hits.  Peter has 451.  Nobody is even close to these guys.  Check this out:  They both have exactly 385 career RBIs.  Only two other players have passed 200 RBIs and these guys are knocking on the door for 400.

The point is... through the ups and downs and wins and losses, those two have been money in the bank.  So go Lou!  Go Peter!



Wednesday, July 5, 2017

The First Round

THE TEAM finished the first round 4-1 and punched our ticket to the playoffs.  Here's an odd detail:  There were no upsets in D League.  The first place team went 5-0.  The second place team (THE TEAM) went 4-1 with the only loss being to the first place team (The DL).  The third place team went 3-2 etc. you get it.  OK maybe odd isn't the right word.  Odd would be finding out that the umpire is Laz Diaz disguised as someone who wants to sell you a reverse mortgage.  Or a black market kidney

OK here are the leaders at the halfway point:

Batting Avg Gentlemen

.667 Jimmy
.647 Lou
.636 Peter

Batting Avg Ladies

.786 Lauren
.600 Melody
.500 Kelly

RBIs Gentlemen

16 Rick
11 Peter
8  Dave Q

RBIs Ladies

5 Melody
4 Natasha
4 Dora


4 Dave Q
3 Lou
2 Jimmy
1 Lauren
1 Rick
1 Dora


7 Lou
1 Rick

Home Runs

4 Peter
1 Lou
1 Jimmy
1 Rick

Overall THE TEAM hit .524 with a +10 Run Differential.  THE TEAM also notched win number 100 in the Modern Era.  Lou hit his 100th Home Run and Melody collected her 100th RBI.  That's a lot of things.  Kelsey got her first career hit and that was a for real grounder right up the middle.



Tuesday, June 20, 2017

THE TEAM - Summer 2017

It took a while to finally get the roster set but all the details have been pounded out and sanded down to this showroom mint dream car that is THE TEAM.

 3 Lou
 4 Lauren
 5 Kelly
 7 Natasha
11 Dave Q.
12 Daniyel
18 Rick
22 Dave R.
23 Melody
24 Peter
25 Dora
33 Jimmy
51 Kelsey

We are already three games into the season and that group there hasn't lost one yet so that's exciting.  You know who has been tearing it up on defense so far is Dora.  She is catching foul balls.  She caught a rocket from left field to get a runner out at home.  She even threw a runner out at first base on a snap throw.

Peter has 4 Home Runs so far.  Lauren has stepped up become the Centerfielder.  Both Lauren and Kelly are hitting over .700 so far.  Lou has 3 Triples.

There is a lot of softball left but winning a 4th Championship just makes sense.

Oh and fun.  There should be some of that too


Monday, May 15, 2017

THE TEAM - The Cold Winter

Another rough season in the books.  That one took forever so it's only fair that this blog also took forever.

That's Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid.  You've seen that movie right?  Well sometimes THE TEAM was the Bolivian Army filling the bad guys with holes and sometimes THE TEAM was Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid getting filled with holes but still being very good looking.  

It wasn't all Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head.  THE TEAM hit an above average .596.  The 143 runs was also a nice improvement over 2016.  The 7 Strikeouts were the lowest ever so so there's that.

Here is your deal

3 Lou played in 10 games.  He led THE TEAM hitting .781.  He drove in 21 runs, had 8 Doubles, 3 Triples and 2 Walks.  Check this out:  Lou hit 5 Home runs giving 100 for his career.  How about that.    
5 Kelly played in 8 games.  She tied for the lead among ladies hitting .600.  She had 9 RBIs, 5 Doubles and a Walk.  Those 5 Doubles are a career best.

7 Natasha played in 8 games.  She hit .577 with 7 RBIs, 3 Doubles a Triple and 2 Walks.  She also sang and danced and acted as well as she pitched.  Amazing

8 Aerial played in 0 games.  She hit 0 with 0 RBIs and 0 and 0.  THE TEAM really lost out when work swallowed her up.  We are talking about a career .568 hitter with 49 RBIs, 16 Doubles and 2 Home Runs in in 58 games.  She will be missed.

12 Daniyel played in 7 games.  She hit .211 with an RBI and 4 Walks.  Her season was better than that.  She started brutally slow but hit .500 over her last 3 games.  

18 Rick 9 games .680 12 RBIs 2 Home Runs 2 Doubles

22 Dave played in 8 games.  He hit .409 with 8 RBIs, 1 Home Run and 1 Walk.  That one walk was uphill both ways in the snow.

23 Melody played in 9 games.  She tied Kelly hitting .600 with 9 RBIs, 5 Doubles and 1 Triple.  Big Improvement

24 Peter did his Eagle Scout thing for 10 games.  He tied for the lead with 23 RBIs.  He led THE TEAM with 6 Home Runs.  There were 7 Doubles in there.  No Walks.  Peter also broke a lot of hearts at 3rd base.  We are talking defense people not makin' out at the Drive-In.
25 Dora played in 8 games.  She hit .464 with 7 RBIs, 3 Doubles and a Walk.  She led THE TEAM in Recycling

30 Lauren played in 8 games.  She hit .417 with 7 RBIs, 2 Doubles and 2 Walks.  She really became a Centerfielder this season.  

33 Jimmy played in 10 games.  He hit .706 with 16 RBIs, 3 Doubles, 1 Triple and 2 Home Runs.  He collected his 100th career hit this season.

27 Victor played in 9 games.  He hit .667 with 6 Doubles and 3 Home Runs.  He tied for the lead with 23 RBIs and led THE TEAM with 6 Triples.  Now Victor is leaving to go fight crime.  Victor.  That Victor.  It will be really quiet in the dugout now.  It was worth it because for 102 games THE TEAM had the equivalent of a bitchin' Camaro in Left Field.  He was an RBI machine.  For his career he hit 60 Doubles, 23 Triples and 35 Home Runs.  He had 195 career hits and 118 of them were for extra bases.  Here is the thing that is as eye popping as some of those Home Runs.  He had 218 RBIs in 102 games.  That's an RBI for every 5 f-words.  Good luck Victor.  Be fucking safe.


Monday, April 3, 2017

Game 6 - This

THE TEAM started F League scoring 21 runs, hitting a season high .762, and striking out zero times.  Strong!  Twelve players played.  Twelve players had hits, 10 players had RBIs.

Daniyel had a slow start to the Winter 2017 Season.  Then she started pulling her hands all the way through the zone and hitting began.  THE TEAM has an adorable little two game winning streak now and Daniyel is hitting .600 with an RBI in those wins.  

Of course everybody is contributing.  THE TEAM is The Ass of Badness.  That sounds like a Google Translation doesn't it?  If you have Google Translate Bad Ass into German you get Knallhart.


Who wants that nickname?

Just for kicks,Ass of Badness in German is Arsch der Schlechtigkeit.

I think we have Victor's nickname.

#27 Arsch der Schlechtigkeit

Maybe Arsch der Fucking Schlechtigkeit?


It was a great win.  THE TEAM can still win it all in F League so...


Saturday, April 1, 2017

The First Win + The First Round

THE TEAM finally got a slice of the victory pizza with all the toppings.  It was more like a thick slice of meat loaf with vegetables and mashed potatoes and salad and iced tea.

Or whatever

Dora made a meat loaf level play to catch a foul ball.  She almost did it twice.  Victor is swatting Dingers into orbit.

That's going to make F League so much fun.

Let's look at the leaders after the first round

Batting Avg Gentlemen

.833 Rick
.813 Lou
.750 Peter

Batting Avg Ladies

.583 Kelly
.500 Natasha
.429 Melody

RBIs Gentlemen

17 Victor
13 Lou
 8 Peter
 8 JImmy

RBIs Ladies

5 Kelly
5 Natasha
4 Melody
4 Dora


5 Lou
4 Peter
4 Melody
3 Kelly
3 Victor
2 Rick
1 Jimmy
1 Dora


3 Victor

Home Runs

3 Victor
3 Lou
1 Peter
1 Jimmy
1 Rick

The RAND Corporation says that the move down to F League means a championship is basically automatic.  Like a pulled pork sandwich with macaroni and cheese and garlic toast and...  and..  oh! Softball.  Yes! Softball.


Monday, March 20, 2017

Cold Winter

It took a while but the winter season finally got started.  It started for E League but hasn't started for THE TEAM just yet.

Let's look at the roster first:

 3 Lou
 5 Kelly
 7 Natasha
 8 Aerial
12 Daniyel
18 Rick
22 Dave
23 Melody
24 Peter
25 Dora
27 Victor
30 Lauren
33 Jimmy

So far THE TEAM has clanked out of every game this season.  Two losses were frustrating offerings that just didn't go right and the other two were puke on yourself Barbara Hoyt Drug Burger what the hell is going on losses.

THE TEAM scored 3 more runs than the total number of outfielders that NYFA Action had.

At least the teams have been good sports.  The losses always sting a little extra when THE TEAM plays aggressive shitheads.  You know those teams.  Ten players, twelve eyebrows.  You know.

Let's keep this thing constructive and zany!

Somewhere in there Jimmy made an over the shoulder catch that led to a double play.

Kelly made cupcakes and those were really good.

Natasha's hair looks nice.

Victor has hit some absolute bombs.

THE TEAM team still has good pitchers.

No matter what happens in the next game THE TEAM is going down to F League.  That is neither constructive nor zany.  That is hope.


Friday, January 6, 2017

The Regular Season

The service monkey that does the typing for this blog was being held at a CIA blacksite in Bangladesh.  He managed to escape and ran to a sweatshop making Jihad Joe action figures that were being shipped to Pakistan.  It is only by the kindness of the people of Agra India that our service monkey is back safe in the United States of America.

In the meantime a lot of softball was played.

It looked like after the Titanic disaster that was D League, E League was only going to be our Carpathia but it turns out there was a logjam of 3-2 teams in the second round and THE TEAM made the playoffs.

Before we get to what you did to get us there, let's take a quick peek at 2016.  It was a year of garbage.  Yeah David Bowie died and Prince died and Carrie Fisherdied and some self-centered orange fuckface won the Presidential Election but THE TEAM went 13-17 on the year.  THE TEAM was down in every offensive category and up in strikeouts.  Ouch.

Let's check you out

3 Lou played in 10 games.  He hit .774 with 2 Walks, 6 Doubles, 1 Triple, 3 Home Runs and 14 RBIs.  Did you know Lou is the all-time hits leader for THE TEAM with 436 hits.

5 Kelly played in 9 games.  She hit .483 with 2 Walks, 3 Doubles and 3 RBIs.  Did you know Kelly collected her 50th career RBI this season.

6 Rick played in 10 games.  The service monkey refuses to humiliate him by typing his stats.  Good Monkey!

7 Natasha played in 8 games. She hit .435 with 4 Doubles, a Triple and 12 RBIs.  Did you know in her career she has 111 RBIs in 102 games.

8 Aerial played in 10 games.  She led the ladies hitting .571 with 2 Walks, 3 Doubles, 1 Home Run and led the ladies with 14 RBIs.  It's great to have her back.

12 Daniyel played in 5 games.  She hit .200 with a Walk and a Double.  Did you know Daniyel has Walked 14 times in 22 career games giving her an OBP of .448?

22 Dave played in 10 games.  He hit .652 with a 3 Walks, a Double and 11 RBIs.  Did you know Dave collected his 100th career hit this season?

23 Melody played in 9 games.  She hit .250 with 4 Walks and 4 RBIs.  Did you know she has taken more careers Walks than any two players on THE TEAM?

24 Peter played in 10 games.  He hit .719 with 6 Doubles. 3 Triples and 13 RBIs.  Did you know Peter has played in 152 games in the Modern Era?  That's more than anybody.

25 Dora played in 9 games.  She hit .391 with 2 Walks and 8 RBIs.  Did you know Dora is one of only 5 players with over 200 career hits?

27 Victor played in 10 games.  He hit .769 with 4 Doubles. 3 Triples and 4 Walks.  He led THE TEAM with 5 Home Runs.  He led THE TEAM with 27 RBIs.  Did you know that Victor leads THE TEAM in being fertile?

30 Lauren played in 8 games.  She hit .409 with 7 RBIs.  Did you know Lauren loves microwave popcorn?  That may or may not be true.  Lauren just finished her first season with THE TEAM.  She is a spectacular athlete and a great addition.

33 Jimmy played in 10 games.  He has 7 Doubles, 2 Triples, a Walk and a Home Run.  Jimmy led THE TEAM hitting .867.  Did you know Jimmy led THE TEAM in getting hassled by Victor?

There were some milestones by THE TEAM.  THE TEAM passed 200 Home Runs, 500 Doubles and 2000 RBIs.

That's a lot of softball